Where to start?
The semester is over, and there is much rejoicing. Classes finished up well, and again, I think I got a lot out of the semester. It's amazing how much better one learns when one isn't working full-time and taking classes.
The group of students who took my intro stats class are certainly relieved that the final is over...those who bothered to study for it. It's personally disturbing to me when I work with certain students individually and they show remarkable improvement between the first and second exam, and again between the second and third exam, and then put in some form of half-assed attempt on the final that completely invalidates the work we've done. But all in all, it was a great experience and I'm glad to have had the opportunity.
So now that the semester is over, it's time to plan the wedding...which happens in three weeks. There's something about last-minute pressure that is very...motivating. We've got the ceremony outlined and it looks great. Well, it looks great to us. :) After the wedding we will be going to the Harmony Grille in Ft. Collins to celebrate and to bring in the New Year, so anyone looking for a reason to go out should consider heading there. We'll be arriving between 10:30 and 11:00 or so. :)
Four days after the wedding I will be taking my comprehensive exams for my Master's degree. Woohoo for following a wedding with two days of three and a half hour tests covering two years worth of coursework. We like to party, we like to get down.
Oh, and in the middle of all this, there's Christmas in Julesburg. Jen, Ellie and I will be down there on Christmas Eve, staying until some time on Christmas Day. We interacted with Dad's side of the family on Thanksgiving, so now it's time to meet most of Mom's side of the family. It should be a hoot. :)
The week after comps, I start my PhD coursework in earnest. With luck, I will have the required coursework done in about a year, then it's electives and independent studies as I flesh out a dissertation. But there are a lot of unknowns out there, so I'm trying not to get ahead of myself.
Jen and I went to the KFD Christmas party last night, thanks to some very generous invitations from Joel and John. It was a great time, and I was very glad to see so many of my old comerades. One of the most amusing parts of the evening was the realization that most of the executives, who recognized me and could even remember my name, were unaware that I haven't worked for them in over a year. All in all it was a great night, and Jen and I are very thankful for the opportunity to attend.
There was a minorly discouraging story about a certain individual's reaction to the news of my pending attendance, but he couldn't even be bothered to show up to the party, so there was no need for any kind of verbal altercation...much to the dismay of the majority of the common-folk that work for the company, who would certainly have liked to have seen that particular tongue-lashing. Alas, it was not meant to be, and much fun was had by all as a result.
Alright...today is Whitley's birthday, so Jen, Ellie, and I are heading down to Berthoud. I heard something about ice-skating, and images of my elbow shattering ran through my head...so I think this is going to be a spectator outing for me. :)
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The Dissertation Proposal Defense
I wanted to take a moment to explain something about Jen's successful dissertation proposal defense this Monday, largely because people who are not involved in this level of academia or who have never experienced it may not understand the significance of what has happened.
A doctoral program is comprised of several components, and they are more or less linear. First, there is a ton of coursework (anywhere from 45 to 90 credit hours), during which the student is not only taught specific information about their chosen field, but they are also taught how to think critically; this can often lead to some pretty deep self reflection and personal change. This process, depending on the program, can take anywhere from two to four years.
After the completion of the coursework, the student takes comprehensive exams over all of the coursework that has been completed. Think of this as the Mother of all Finals. Those of you who remember final exams in your undergraduate programs may recall the frenzied state of hyper-paranoia that goes along with a comprehensive final - now think about a comprehensive final that covers six or seven core courses, some of which you may have taken as much as two years prior to the comp.
Assuming the student passes the comprehensive exam, they are given the go-ahead to design a study for their dissertation. Once a topic has been selected (a gargantuan task in its own right), they conduct an exhaustive literature review - that is to say, they read hundreds (not an exaggeration) of articles on not only their topic, but on their chosen methodology for the topic and their research philosophy for how they're going to approach the study. All of this information is then collected, organized, and synthesized into a new paper called the dissertation proposal.
The proposal is a labor that can last months, as the student's advisor corrects and changes and alters and suggests over and over and over and over, until finally, it's "right". Once the proposal has been approved by the advisor, the student prepares a copy of the final draft for each member of his or her dissertation committee (comprised of a minimum of 4 PhD holding individuals). The student then has two weeks to prepare a presentation for the official defense of the dissertation proposal.
The proposal defense is a half-hour presentation of the entire study, followed by up to an hour and a half of on-the-spot questions posed by the aforementioned dissertation committee. After the Q&A session, the committee kicks the student out of the room and discusses whether or not the student's proposal is worthy of a doctoral level work. If the proposal is accepted, the student gets the green light to conduct the study, which will then be turned into the final dissertation (which gets to be defended as well).
So when I (and others) express my deepest admiration and pride over Jen's monumental accomplishment, it is from the perspective of understanding that she has taken a great step toward completing a journey she started over two years ago (and has arguably been a lifetime in the making). In a day and age where individual accomplishments are often measured in terms of days or even hours, this should stand out to everyone as something to be particularly admirable.
So again, congratulations, Jen. You have worked very hard to get this far, and I am very proud of you!
A doctoral program is comprised of several components, and they are more or less linear. First, there is a ton of coursework (anywhere from 45 to 90 credit hours), during which the student is not only taught specific information about their chosen field, but they are also taught how to think critically; this can often lead to some pretty deep self reflection and personal change. This process, depending on the program, can take anywhere from two to four years.
After the completion of the coursework, the student takes comprehensive exams over all of the coursework that has been completed. Think of this as the Mother of all Finals. Those of you who remember final exams in your undergraduate programs may recall the frenzied state of hyper-paranoia that goes along with a comprehensive final - now think about a comprehensive final that covers six or seven core courses, some of which you may have taken as much as two years prior to the comp.
Assuming the student passes the comprehensive exam, they are given the go-ahead to design a study for their dissertation. Once a topic has been selected (a gargantuan task in its own right), they conduct an exhaustive literature review - that is to say, they read hundreds (not an exaggeration) of articles on not only their topic, but on their chosen methodology for the topic and their research philosophy for how they're going to approach the study. All of this information is then collected, organized, and synthesized into a new paper called the dissertation proposal.
The proposal is a labor that can last months, as the student's advisor corrects and changes and alters and suggests over and over and over and over, until finally, it's "right". Once the proposal has been approved by the advisor, the student prepares a copy of the final draft for each member of his or her dissertation committee (comprised of a minimum of 4 PhD holding individuals). The student then has two weeks to prepare a presentation for the official defense of the dissertation proposal.
The proposal defense is a half-hour presentation of the entire study, followed by up to an hour and a half of on-the-spot questions posed by the aforementioned dissertation committee. After the Q&A session, the committee kicks the student out of the room and discusses whether or not the student's proposal is worthy of a doctoral level work. If the proposal is accepted, the student gets the green light to conduct the study, which will then be turned into the final dissertation (which gets to be defended as well).
So when I (and others) express my deepest admiration and pride over Jen's monumental accomplishment, it is from the perspective of understanding that she has taken a great step toward completing a journey she started over two years ago (and has arguably been a lifetime in the making). In a day and age where individual accomplishments are often measured in terms of days or even hours, this should stand out to everyone as something to be particularly admirable.
So again, congratulations, Jen. You have worked very hard to get this far, and I am very proud of you!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Engaged
So, as many of you may have noticed on my Facebook page, my relationship status went from Single to It’s Complicated a couple of months ago. Early this morning it went to Engaged, and this post is here to provide the details that many of you have asked for.
It’s important that I take a minute and give a bit of background on where I was when this semester started, for the sake of context. I had been laid off from Kroll Factual Data in December, and with 16 credits remaining for the completion of my Master’s degree, I decided not to look for another job and instead focus on knocking out those credits. So this semester was a true overload for me – full time grad school courseload is 9 credits, so I was nearly doubling that. Going into the semester I was pretty unhappy with my program overall and had no idea what I was going to do once the Master’s was complete; continue to a PhD or just enter the workforce with the Master’s. This semester allowed me to see what my academic potential truly was – without the distraction and time investment of a job, I was able to throw myself entirely at my studies for the first time ever, and the results were amazing. So as the semester was coming to a close, I was really beginning to believe in my ability in this field for the first time.
Who Is She?
If I were to have made a list of attributes I desired in the “perfect-for-me” woman and put that list into the computer from Weird Science, instead of getting Kelly LeBrock out of the machine, it would have given me Jen Davis. This woman has wit, attitude, character, ambition, accomplishment, beauty, and the kind of intellect that can only be described as Fucking Brilliant. Jen’s mind is as hyperactive as mine, but she’s put it to greater use than I have; while I was busy rocking the video game scene, Jen was working on a career as an elementary special education teacher, and after 9 years in that capacity, she began pursuing graduate studies at UNC.
In the two years she’s been in the PhD program she has not only excelled in her coursework, Jen has been an inspiration to many of her fellow students; her drive, dedication, and critical mind have propelled her to the lofty (unofficial) position of The Standard – Jen is the person that other graduate students want to be. She’s just completed her written comprehensive exams, and will be undergoing the oral defense of those answers on June 18th, after which she will be ABD – All But Dissertation. She’s got a rock solid idea for her dissertation study and she’s already piloting the instrument for that, and her timeline for being finished with the dissertation and defending it is next spring, April if I recall correctly.
If this were not enough to garner my interest in Jen, she also has character strength the likes of which I’ve never known before. She has gone through a number of difficult trials in her life; she battled cancer in her early 20’s, which left her sans-thyroid. She struggled with obesity for the majority of her life until two years ago, when she walked into the Slim 4 Life location in Loveland; nine months later she had shed 140 lbs and had made the changes in her life that would contribute to keeping that weight off long-term. I will leave the telling of these stories to Jen, because I would never be able to do them justice. I will say that the strength it takes to overcome these difficult challenges is something that shows through in the way Jen talks, laughs, and lives her life.
It’s not a lighthearted comment I make when I say that Jen Davis is perfect for me. She possesses every character trait I could have hoped to find in a woman, and some that I didn’t even know I wanted.
The “How We Met” Story
I remember the minutes leading up to the first day of SRM 641: Mixed Methods very clearly. I had arrived in the classroom early because the class I had right before that had been released significantly early. I found my customary position – very front of the class along the right wall. This room was interesting because it didn’t have those God-awful desks that leave a cramp in my back after a 3-hour class. Instead, this room was four rows of tables with six or eight chairs per row. There were only 12 people in the class – pretty typical for SRM classes. I was watching as people came filing into the room, taking mental notes of who I’d be sharing the class with over the semester. I recognized a couple of folks: Randy Larkins, a man I’ve come to have a great deal of respect and admiration for, and Eric Teman, someone I had two other classes with earlier in the week.
That’s when Jen walked in. One of the last people to arrive for the class, she had a wide, genuine smile on her face, carried herself with such confidence that my ears, if they were a bit longer and more pointed, would have stood at attention. I was immediately interested in her based on the combination of her confident gait, that broad smile, and her honest-to-God classical beauty – she looked like Audrey Hepburn. She took a seat directly behind me, which was both a blessing and a curse – for one, I couldn’t really look at her without being completely obvious about it, but that position meant that she’d be in close proximity for the entirety of the semester, affording opportunities for conversation in the future.
Shortly after this grand entrance we were going through the introduction phase of all graduate level college classes – “Hello, my name is Sunny, I’m in the Master’s program for Applied Statistics and Research Methods, and my interests are butterflies, puppies, rainbows, and doing large calculations by hand.” This exercise was the first opportunity I had to hear Jen’s voice, and I have to admit, I was absolutely entranced. I turned around in my chair and looked directly at her while she was telling her story, and every word that came out of her mouth was like another drop of honey-mead.
It was also during this introduction that I noticed the ring on her finger – a crushing blow if ever I’d encountered one. Upon noticing this tiny little problem (tiny like a black hole, that is), I immediately placed Jen, mentally, in my “Do Not Disturb” file. The last thing I wanted to do was come between this amazing woman and her husband – who by my reckoning must be a combination of the best parts from Arnold Schwarzenegger, Albert Einstein, Erik Erickson, Sean Connery, Sting, and Antonio Banderas. I mean, this amazing creature could not possibly have a relationship with anyone less than the “perfect” man, in my eyes.
So for the next few weeks I approached my interactions with Jen through this lens. I got to hear more about her, discovered that she was extremely accomplished – three publications already and a book in the works, and she’s still in her PhD coursework. I heard her tell her story about battling obesity, which I found to be incredibly moving and gave her an added level of strength in my mind. I got to hear about her perspective on a number of topics, and every time she spoke, she did so with passion and conviction. I grew to really admire and respect this woman, and as the semester was coming to a close I knew that I wanted to approach her about getting her contact information in the hopes that we would be able to build a healthy friendship based on academic interests. I envisioned the kind of relationship where we would share research ideas, maybe edit rough drafts for each other, that kind of thing.
Three weeks before the end of the semester the class was doing a dry-run of a project proposal, essentially the culmination of our semester’s worth of work. The next week we would be presenting our proposals in front of a mock dissertation committee consisting of Dr. Susan Hutchinson, the department chair for the ASRM department, Dr. Maria Lehman, the ASRM department’s resident qualitative research expert, and Veronica Richard, an ABD doctoral student in the ASRM department. Dr. Geist – Monica – wanted us to have a chance to run through our presentations before hand, so we took the majority of this class period doing exactly that. I remember Jen coming into class that day – she seemed distraught, something wasn’t right. As she took her seat behind me, I lip-synched “are you OK?” to her, and her non-verbal response was completely unconvincing. However, in true Jen style, she shelved her personal issues and focused on the task at hand. My classmates got up and gave their presentations, with time for comments on how to improve the layout or design being offered by the rest of us throughout the evening.
Jen’s presentation was great. Rock solid performance fueled by a complete understanding of the background material and understanding of what she wanted to accomplish, and how to get there. Her materials, however, could use some work – she had cut out shapes that, when used in conjunction with the overhead projector, went together like a jigsaw puzzle as she moved through the presentation. It was truly original in concept, but in practice I thought it was a bit messy because the little pieces kept moving when she added another, and it made keeping the entire map on the document camera a trying experience for her.
After the class was over I turned around in my chair and leaned over her table and said that I could help her with that problem. I explained that if she emailed me the Word document the original was based on, I could import it into a Powerpoint presentation, and even make it so that each of the puzzle pieces added sequentially, just like her paper version, but without the stress of keeping the pieces straight. Jen asked if I could just show her how to do it; I would find out later this was because she’s not the kind of person who likes to ask for help – she wants to do it herself. I loaded her Word file onto my laptop and quickly ran through the concept I had in mind, showing her how she could do what we were talking about. She was very excited about it and thanked me for the help. I was concerned that she may not be able to get it to work properly without some coaching, so I gave her my email, in case she wanted to send it to me so I could work on it, and I gave her my phone number, in case she wanted to call me to let me know she was sending the email. It is interesting to note that even Monica urged Jen to just let me do it, because Jen was under so much stress from so many other angles just then, and I assured them both that it would really only take me a matter of 20 minutes or so to take care of it.
Sure enough, in the 40 minutes it took me to drive home from campus, Jen had emailed me her files and asked if I wouldn’t mind putting the presentation together for her. She asked me to let her know if it was going to take too long – 30 minutes later, I emailed her the finished product along with my assurance that it had been very simple to do, and that I was happy to have relieved some of her stress.
The next night, at approximately 9:00 pm, I got a text message – “Whatcha doin?” I have to admit that I grinned from ear to ear when I read that text. In the interest of sparing my readers the details of the next 4 hours of text messages and online conversation via Facebook’s chat feature, I will simply say that this initial text message was like holding a match over an exposed propane tank – and then using a butane lighter to light the match. In the week between that night and our presentations the following Wednesday, I think we averaged 4 hours of sleep per night, and again, in the interest of sparing the reader, I will simply say that we did what all aspiring couples did – shared our hopes, dreams, fears, and thoughts – often in intimate detail. One thing became increasingly clear to me – I had, at last, found The One.
The One
I asked my mom, not long ago, about how she met my dad. For clarification, I’m talking about my step-father, Terry, who adopted me at the age of 8 and who has been the ideal father to me throughout my life – I don’t refer to the other guy at all, unless the topic is specifically brought up. Anyhow, my mother told me that from the time that she and dad started dating until they were married, 7 months had passed. This news was, frankly, shocking. My mother has always cautioned me on going slow in a relationship, taking my time, all of that kind of thing. To hear her say that her own courtship lasted less than one academic year was pretty surprising. She went on to explain that even before that, dad had agreed to do some farm work for my Grandpa Donnelly, and that he had walked up to the front door to the house to ask for clarification on which plot of land was to be worked on. Mom answered the door and she told me that she said to herself, as she watched him turn around and walk back down the steps, that she was “going to marry that man.”
As many of you know, I’m an avid movie watcher, and unlike most men, I’m comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit that I like romantic movies, or Chick Flicks as they’re called. I’ve seen dozens of them, and own more than 20. The one thing that most romantic movies have in common is that the love portrayed in them is that quick-fire, intense, passionate love that makes you reflect on your own relationships and come to the conclusion that the stories told in those movies are bullshit – nobody ever feels like that, nobody ever experiences that, that’s not how it works. As a society, we shun the notions of love-at-first-sight or soul mates destined to be together. In these movies, the two lead characters have found their version of The One, but of course, this only happens in Hollywood…right?
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to tell you, I’m a believer. Line up the most corny lines from any chick flick and I’m going to be inclined to agree with them – from Jerry McGuire’s “You complete me” to “Is it too late to say I love you” from Playing By Heart, every tear-inducing, sap filled statement from these movies is a little more believable now.
My friend Bobby and I were having a conversation a few weeks ago. He had asked me if I thought I’d end up marrying Jen. I gave it a little bit of thought – the hesitation being more because I was trying to decide what to tell him, more than any doubt in my mind about the answer here – and finally said yes, that I was going to marry her. He told me that he could see that, and that when you know something like that, there’s no real reason to wait. This is something that Jen herself had actually mentioned – she said that she felt like we were inevitable, and when something is inevitable, what’s the point in putting it off?
The truth is, I’ve never known anyone like Jen. She is a truly rare and unique woman, and that she feels the way she does about me is both moving and inspiring. I held her in the highest regard well before I talked to her on a personal level, and that foundation of respect has been an excellent one for the somewhat rapid construction we’ve placed upon it. I can honestly say that Jen understands me in ways that very few people have been able to understand me – Trish Wakeford, Mike Wilkinson, and my mother pretty much conclude that list. Jen inspires me as an academic and challenges me intellectually, and she makes me want to do more than simply see my own potential – she makes me want to achieve it.
Many people would have warning signals – flashing red lights and loud, ringing klaxons – sending an alert about the speed with which this relationship has progressed. I have to admit, both Jen and I have discussed that if one of our friends were to tell us this story, we’d be supportive, but very cautionary. I mean, it’s supposed to take time, right? So for those of you who are questioning that very thing, allow me to assure you that we are both completely certain that what we’re doing is not only right for us, but it is inevitable.
The Wedding
When we initially started talking about a wedding (in a hypothetical manner), Jen insisted that because she’d already had her wedding, she would prefer that my desires be paramount for a wedding, when the time came. After some thought and reflection, and a bit of information on what her first wedding had been, I pointed out that it didn’t really seem like it had been “her” wedding at all – the theme was not her idea, and it wasn’t really anything she was overly interested in. She thought about that for a moment and conceded the point. As such, I pointed out, our wedding should be everything that she missed the first time around – and paramount among those things that are most important to her is that we get married by water. Not a little bit of water, either – lots and lots of water.
Jen grew up on the east coast, most of her family is there, and for that reason, we’ve decided to have the wedding ceremony on the east coast. Because of timing (Jen’s career plans, my continued studies, and so on), the earliest we can see having something the way we really want it would be over the summer break of 2011. We’re both set on having a ceremony on the east coast somewhere in that time frame, but we’re also of the opinion that we’re not for waiting that long, and so we’re going to have a very small, very private ceremony here in Colorado in December of this year (we’re thinking New Year’s Eve, actually). The guest list is going to be extremely limited, so I have to ask forgiveness of those not invited to the ceremony – if it were possible, I’d invite every single one of you. However, rest assured that the invitation to the ceremony on the east coast will be forthcoming.
It’s important that I take a minute and give a bit of background on where I was when this semester started, for the sake of context. I had been laid off from Kroll Factual Data in December, and with 16 credits remaining for the completion of my Master’s degree, I decided not to look for another job and instead focus on knocking out those credits. So this semester was a true overload for me – full time grad school courseload is 9 credits, so I was nearly doubling that. Going into the semester I was pretty unhappy with my program overall and had no idea what I was going to do once the Master’s was complete; continue to a PhD or just enter the workforce with the Master’s. This semester allowed me to see what my academic potential truly was – without the distraction and time investment of a job, I was able to throw myself entirely at my studies for the first time ever, and the results were amazing. So as the semester was coming to a close, I was really beginning to believe in my ability in this field for the first time.
Who Is She?
If I were to have made a list of attributes I desired in the “perfect-for-me” woman and put that list into the computer from Weird Science, instead of getting Kelly LeBrock out of the machine, it would have given me Jen Davis. This woman has wit, attitude, character, ambition, accomplishment, beauty, and the kind of intellect that can only be described as Fucking Brilliant. Jen’s mind is as hyperactive as mine, but she’s put it to greater use than I have; while I was busy rocking the video game scene, Jen was working on a career as an elementary special education teacher, and after 9 years in that capacity, she began pursuing graduate studies at UNC.
In the two years she’s been in the PhD program she has not only excelled in her coursework, Jen has been an inspiration to many of her fellow students; her drive, dedication, and critical mind have propelled her to the lofty (unofficial) position of The Standard – Jen is the person that other graduate students want to be. She’s just completed her written comprehensive exams, and will be undergoing the oral defense of those answers on June 18th, after which she will be ABD – All But Dissertation. She’s got a rock solid idea for her dissertation study and she’s already piloting the instrument for that, and her timeline for being finished with the dissertation and defending it is next spring, April if I recall correctly.
If this were not enough to garner my interest in Jen, she also has character strength the likes of which I’ve never known before. She has gone through a number of difficult trials in her life; she battled cancer in her early 20’s, which left her sans-thyroid. She struggled with obesity for the majority of her life until two years ago, when she walked into the Slim 4 Life location in Loveland; nine months later she had shed 140 lbs and had made the changes in her life that would contribute to keeping that weight off long-term. I will leave the telling of these stories to Jen, because I would never be able to do them justice. I will say that the strength it takes to overcome these difficult challenges is something that shows through in the way Jen talks, laughs, and lives her life.
It’s not a lighthearted comment I make when I say that Jen Davis is perfect for me. She possesses every character trait I could have hoped to find in a woman, and some that I didn’t even know I wanted.
The “How We Met” Story
I remember the minutes leading up to the first day of SRM 641: Mixed Methods very clearly. I had arrived in the classroom early because the class I had right before that had been released significantly early. I found my customary position – very front of the class along the right wall. This room was interesting because it didn’t have those God-awful desks that leave a cramp in my back after a 3-hour class. Instead, this room was four rows of tables with six or eight chairs per row. There were only 12 people in the class – pretty typical for SRM classes. I was watching as people came filing into the room, taking mental notes of who I’d be sharing the class with over the semester. I recognized a couple of folks: Randy Larkins, a man I’ve come to have a great deal of respect and admiration for, and Eric Teman, someone I had two other classes with earlier in the week.
That’s when Jen walked in. One of the last people to arrive for the class, she had a wide, genuine smile on her face, carried herself with such confidence that my ears, if they were a bit longer and more pointed, would have stood at attention. I was immediately interested in her based on the combination of her confident gait, that broad smile, and her honest-to-God classical beauty – she looked like Audrey Hepburn. She took a seat directly behind me, which was both a blessing and a curse – for one, I couldn’t really look at her without being completely obvious about it, but that position meant that she’d be in close proximity for the entirety of the semester, affording opportunities for conversation in the future.
Shortly after this grand entrance we were going through the introduction phase of all graduate level college classes – “Hello, my name is Sunny, I’m in the Master’s program for Applied Statistics and Research Methods, and my interests are butterflies, puppies, rainbows, and doing large calculations by hand.” This exercise was the first opportunity I had to hear Jen’s voice, and I have to admit, I was absolutely entranced. I turned around in my chair and looked directly at her while she was telling her story, and every word that came out of her mouth was like another drop of honey-mead.
It was also during this introduction that I noticed the ring on her finger – a crushing blow if ever I’d encountered one. Upon noticing this tiny little problem (tiny like a black hole, that is), I immediately placed Jen, mentally, in my “Do Not Disturb” file. The last thing I wanted to do was come between this amazing woman and her husband – who by my reckoning must be a combination of the best parts from Arnold Schwarzenegger, Albert Einstein, Erik Erickson, Sean Connery, Sting, and Antonio Banderas. I mean, this amazing creature could not possibly have a relationship with anyone less than the “perfect” man, in my eyes.
So for the next few weeks I approached my interactions with Jen through this lens. I got to hear more about her, discovered that she was extremely accomplished – three publications already and a book in the works, and she’s still in her PhD coursework. I heard her tell her story about battling obesity, which I found to be incredibly moving and gave her an added level of strength in my mind. I got to hear about her perspective on a number of topics, and every time she spoke, she did so with passion and conviction. I grew to really admire and respect this woman, and as the semester was coming to a close I knew that I wanted to approach her about getting her contact information in the hopes that we would be able to build a healthy friendship based on academic interests. I envisioned the kind of relationship where we would share research ideas, maybe edit rough drafts for each other, that kind of thing.
Three weeks before the end of the semester the class was doing a dry-run of a project proposal, essentially the culmination of our semester’s worth of work. The next week we would be presenting our proposals in front of a mock dissertation committee consisting of Dr. Susan Hutchinson, the department chair for the ASRM department, Dr. Maria Lehman, the ASRM department’s resident qualitative research expert, and Veronica Richard, an ABD doctoral student in the ASRM department. Dr. Geist – Monica – wanted us to have a chance to run through our presentations before hand, so we took the majority of this class period doing exactly that. I remember Jen coming into class that day – she seemed distraught, something wasn’t right. As she took her seat behind me, I lip-synched “are you OK?” to her, and her non-verbal response was completely unconvincing. However, in true Jen style, she shelved her personal issues and focused on the task at hand. My classmates got up and gave their presentations, with time for comments on how to improve the layout or design being offered by the rest of us throughout the evening.
Jen’s presentation was great. Rock solid performance fueled by a complete understanding of the background material and understanding of what she wanted to accomplish, and how to get there. Her materials, however, could use some work – she had cut out shapes that, when used in conjunction with the overhead projector, went together like a jigsaw puzzle as she moved through the presentation. It was truly original in concept, but in practice I thought it was a bit messy because the little pieces kept moving when she added another, and it made keeping the entire map on the document camera a trying experience for her.
After the class was over I turned around in my chair and leaned over her table and said that I could help her with that problem. I explained that if she emailed me the Word document the original was based on, I could import it into a Powerpoint presentation, and even make it so that each of the puzzle pieces added sequentially, just like her paper version, but without the stress of keeping the pieces straight. Jen asked if I could just show her how to do it; I would find out later this was because she’s not the kind of person who likes to ask for help – she wants to do it herself. I loaded her Word file onto my laptop and quickly ran through the concept I had in mind, showing her how she could do what we were talking about. She was very excited about it and thanked me for the help. I was concerned that she may not be able to get it to work properly without some coaching, so I gave her my email, in case she wanted to send it to me so I could work on it, and I gave her my phone number, in case she wanted to call me to let me know she was sending the email. It is interesting to note that even Monica urged Jen to just let me do it, because Jen was under so much stress from so many other angles just then, and I assured them both that it would really only take me a matter of 20 minutes or so to take care of it.
Sure enough, in the 40 minutes it took me to drive home from campus, Jen had emailed me her files and asked if I wouldn’t mind putting the presentation together for her. She asked me to let her know if it was going to take too long – 30 minutes later, I emailed her the finished product along with my assurance that it had been very simple to do, and that I was happy to have relieved some of her stress.
The next night, at approximately 9:00 pm, I got a text message – “Whatcha doin?” I have to admit that I grinned from ear to ear when I read that text. In the interest of sparing my readers the details of the next 4 hours of text messages and online conversation via Facebook’s chat feature, I will simply say that this initial text message was like holding a match over an exposed propane tank – and then using a butane lighter to light the match. In the week between that night and our presentations the following Wednesday, I think we averaged 4 hours of sleep per night, and again, in the interest of sparing the reader, I will simply say that we did what all aspiring couples did – shared our hopes, dreams, fears, and thoughts – often in intimate detail. One thing became increasingly clear to me – I had, at last, found The One.
The One
I asked my mom, not long ago, about how she met my dad. For clarification, I’m talking about my step-father, Terry, who adopted me at the age of 8 and who has been the ideal father to me throughout my life – I don’t refer to the other guy at all, unless the topic is specifically brought up. Anyhow, my mother told me that from the time that she and dad started dating until they were married, 7 months had passed. This news was, frankly, shocking. My mother has always cautioned me on going slow in a relationship, taking my time, all of that kind of thing. To hear her say that her own courtship lasted less than one academic year was pretty surprising. She went on to explain that even before that, dad had agreed to do some farm work for my Grandpa Donnelly, and that he had walked up to the front door to the house to ask for clarification on which plot of land was to be worked on. Mom answered the door and she told me that she said to herself, as she watched him turn around and walk back down the steps, that she was “going to marry that man.”
As many of you know, I’m an avid movie watcher, and unlike most men, I’m comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit that I like romantic movies, or Chick Flicks as they’re called. I’ve seen dozens of them, and own more than 20. The one thing that most romantic movies have in common is that the love portrayed in them is that quick-fire, intense, passionate love that makes you reflect on your own relationships and come to the conclusion that the stories told in those movies are bullshit – nobody ever feels like that, nobody ever experiences that, that’s not how it works. As a society, we shun the notions of love-at-first-sight or soul mates destined to be together. In these movies, the two lead characters have found their version of The One, but of course, this only happens in Hollywood…right?
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to tell you, I’m a believer. Line up the most corny lines from any chick flick and I’m going to be inclined to agree with them – from Jerry McGuire’s “You complete me” to “Is it too late to say I love you” from Playing By Heart, every tear-inducing, sap filled statement from these movies is a little more believable now.
My friend Bobby and I were having a conversation a few weeks ago. He had asked me if I thought I’d end up marrying Jen. I gave it a little bit of thought – the hesitation being more because I was trying to decide what to tell him, more than any doubt in my mind about the answer here – and finally said yes, that I was going to marry her. He told me that he could see that, and that when you know something like that, there’s no real reason to wait. This is something that Jen herself had actually mentioned – she said that she felt like we were inevitable, and when something is inevitable, what’s the point in putting it off?
The truth is, I’ve never known anyone like Jen. She is a truly rare and unique woman, and that she feels the way she does about me is both moving and inspiring. I held her in the highest regard well before I talked to her on a personal level, and that foundation of respect has been an excellent one for the somewhat rapid construction we’ve placed upon it. I can honestly say that Jen understands me in ways that very few people have been able to understand me – Trish Wakeford, Mike Wilkinson, and my mother pretty much conclude that list. Jen inspires me as an academic and challenges me intellectually, and she makes me want to do more than simply see my own potential – she makes me want to achieve it.
Many people would have warning signals – flashing red lights and loud, ringing klaxons – sending an alert about the speed with which this relationship has progressed. I have to admit, both Jen and I have discussed that if one of our friends were to tell us this story, we’d be supportive, but very cautionary. I mean, it’s supposed to take time, right? So for those of you who are questioning that very thing, allow me to assure you that we are both completely certain that what we’re doing is not only right for us, but it is inevitable.
The Wedding
When we initially started talking about a wedding (in a hypothetical manner), Jen insisted that because she’d already had her wedding, she would prefer that my desires be paramount for a wedding, when the time came. After some thought and reflection, and a bit of information on what her first wedding had been, I pointed out that it didn’t really seem like it had been “her” wedding at all – the theme was not her idea, and it wasn’t really anything she was overly interested in. She thought about that for a moment and conceded the point. As such, I pointed out, our wedding should be everything that she missed the first time around – and paramount among those things that are most important to her is that we get married by water. Not a little bit of water, either – lots and lots of water.
Jen grew up on the east coast, most of her family is there, and for that reason, we’ve decided to have the wedding ceremony on the east coast. Because of timing (Jen’s career plans, my continued studies, and so on), the earliest we can see having something the way we really want it would be over the summer break of 2011. We’re both set on having a ceremony on the east coast somewhere in that time frame, but we’re also of the opinion that we’re not for waiting that long, and so we’re going to have a very small, very private ceremony here in Colorado in December of this year (we’re thinking New Year’s Eve, actually). The guest list is going to be extremely limited, so I have to ask forgiveness of those not invited to the ceremony – if it were possible, I’d invite every single one of you. However, rest assured that the invitation to the ceremony on the east coast will be forthcoming.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Is that gasoline I smell?
"Is that gasoline I smell?" - Brandon Lee, The Crow
You know that feeling of impending doom that people sometimes get? It's that feeling where the tiny hairs on the back of your neck stand straight up, almost like all the ions in the atmosphere around you are charging, and you're about to be flash-fried as a result. That's the feeling I've got tonight.
Thirteen hours from now a ceremony will happen that will unleash all that potential energy, and the concussive blast that results is destined to derail a couple of trains, at least. I am referring to The Signing of the Papers. Other people would call it a wedding, but that insinuates a couple of things that this mockery is simply lacking.
A little bird recently told me that a parasitic little speck of a person I've basically been supporting for the last year or so considers himself to be "a more successful person" than I am, based solely on the twin facts that he's got himself a girl, and the girl has a bun in the oven. This marks the end of his argument. At the age of 20, with no education beyond his C average high school diploma and his 10-hour-per-week job at Kohls, he is officially farther along on the "Success-O-Meter" than yours truly. I won't bore my one reader with a list of my own personal accomplishments, largely because I don't want this to be about me. I want this to be about him...him and the terrible situation that he has managed to get himself into.
A year ago our little scamp called me out of the blue and asked if he could move in with me because he needed to get away from his dad. Keep in mind, I hadn't spoken with him in over a year prior to this, basically because I had concluded that all the effort I'd put into trying to teach him to be a decent human being had been a complete waste of time. But, I've always tried to be a positive influence for this kid, and I thought that getting out of daddy's house and into the really real world might do him some good. After talking it over with daddy dearest, I agreed, and he moved in shortly after. This was in February of '08. In July he got a girlfriend, in September she moved in with us, and by November he had a fiancée. In January, she got pregnant. Here's an interesting twist - she did it with full awareness (stopped taking her birth control), and didn't tell him.
Now, experience tells me that you don't really know a person all that well after 6 months of dating, but just so I'm not making subjective interpretations of the situation without some background basis, I'll also add that my education tells me that people under the age of 25 don't have a fully developed frontal cortex - that's the part of the brain that allows for higher order thought processes, like making judgment calls.
Naturally, I'm a bit alarmed at the speed with which the relationship developed, but I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to interfere in this, mostly because I resented the interference of other people in my love life. So I'm not going to comment any more on that part of it. I will, however, comment on the personal habits of this little slug, because I think they are indicative of the how this thing is going to go down.
Mr. Successful, who will be married in 13 hours and have a child in September or something like that, has a car. He was given the car by his dad. The car hasn't had insurance since September of 2008 or so, because the slug can't afford it. I'm pretty sure he can count the number of times he did the dishes in our apartment over the course of a year on one hand. No, I'm not kidding. The bedroom they had together at the apartment looked like Pigpen lived in it, and the room at the new pad isn't any better. I could continue, but I think my point is pretty well made - he can't take care of his own shit, how does he expect to take care of a wife and child?
Part of me feels kind of badly for being so pissed off, particularly since I know he only said what he said because he's a scared little bitch right now, and he's lashing out at anything to make himself feel better about just being him. And if I were a better person, I'd just let it go.
Trouble is, I feel pretty slighted right now, and I'm tired of his bullshit. And where I was once willing to put up with it with a good natured chuckle and the patience of Job, I find that I'm entirely disinclined to continue coddling him and letting him think that his behavior is acceptable.
So, Mr. Successful, here is where you get to prove to God, the world, and everyone around you that you really do have your shit together. How sad and unfortunate it is that in order to accomplish that goal you had to alienate the one person who has tried to hold your head above water since you were 8, and how equally unfortunate that when your existence begins to unravel and you don't know who to go to for advice, you will find my door closed. The Dr. is out, sir; you're on your own.
Like I said, congratulations are in order. But you're not going to get them from me.
You know that feeling of impending doom that people sometimes get? It's that feeling where the tiny hairs on the back of your neck stand straight up, almost like all the ions in the atmosphere around you are charging, and you're about to be flash-fried as a result. That's the feeling I've got tonight.
Thirteen hours from now a ceremony will happen that will unleash all that potential energy, and the concussive blast that results is destined to derail a couple of trains, at least. I am referring to The Signing of the Papers. Other people would call it a wedding, but that insinuates a couple of things that this mockery is simply lacking.
A little bird recently told me that a parasitic little speck of a person I've basically been supporting for the last year or so considers himself to be "a more successful person" than I am, based solely on the twin facts that he's got himself a girl, and the girl has a bun in the oven. This marks the end of his argument. At the age of 20, with no education beyond his C average high school diploma and his 10-hour-per-week job at Kohls, he is officially farther along on the "Success-O-Meter" than yours truly. I won't bore my one reader with a list of my own personal accomplishments, largely because I don't want this to be about me. I want this to be about him...him and the terrible situation that he has managed to get himself into.
A year ago our little scamp called me out of the blue and asked if he could move in with me because he needed to get away from his dad. Keep in mind, I hadn't spoken with him in over a year prior to this, basically because I had concluded that all the effort I'd put into trying to teach him to be a decent human being had been a complete waste of time. But, I've always tried to be a positive influence for this kid, and I thought that getting out of daddy's house and into the really real world might do him some good. After talking it over with daddy dearest, I agreed, and he moved in shortly after. This was in February of '08. In July he got a girlfriend, in September she moved in with us, and by November he had a fiancée. In January, she got pregnant. Here's an interesting twist - she did it with full awareness (stopped taking her birth control), and didn't tell him.
Now, experience tells me that you don't really know a person all that well after 6 months of dating, but just so I'm not making subjective interpretations of the situation without some background basis, I'll also add that my education tells me that people under the age of 25 don't have a fully developed frontal cortex - that's the part of the brain that allows for higher order thought processes, like making judgment calls.
Naturally, I'm a bit alarmed at the speed with which the relationship developed, but I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to interfere in this, mostly because I resented the interference of other people in my love life. So I'm not going to comment any more on that part of it. I will, however, comment on the personal habits of this little slug, because I think they are indicative of the how this thing is going to go down.
Mr. Successful, who will be married in 13 hours and have a child in September or something like that, has a car. He was given the car by his dad. The car hasn't had insurance since September of 2008 or so, because the slug can't afford it. I'm pretty sure he can count the number of times he did the dishes in our apartment over the course of a year on one hand. No, I'm not kidding. The bedroom they had together at the apartment looked like Pigpen lived in it, and the room at the new pad isn't any better. I could continue, but I think my point is pretty well made - he can't take care of his own shit, how does he expect to take care of a wife and child?
Part of me feels kind of badly for being so pissed off, particularly since I know he only said what he said because he's a scared little bitch right now, and he's lashing out at anything to make himself feel better about just being him. And if I were a better person, I'd just let it go.
Trouble is, I feel pretty slighted right now, and I'm tired of his bullshit. And where I was once willing to put up with it with a good natured chuckle and the patience of Job, I find that I'm entirely disinclined to continue coddling him and letting him think that his behavior is acceptable.
So, Mr. Successful, here is where you get to prove to God, the world, and everyone around you that you really do have your shit together. How sad and unfortunate it is that in order to accomplish that goal you had to alienate the one person who has tried to hold your head above water since you were 8, and how equally unfortunate that when your existence begins to unravel and you don't know who to go to for advice, you will find my door closed. The Dr. is out, sir; you're on your own.
Like I said, congratulations are in order. But you're not going to get them from me.
Friday, February 13, 2009
The MBA, and the idiocy it produces
What is it about people who purport to study business with a Master's degree of comprehension that entitles them to be so completely idiotic? I have not had an encounter with a single solitary person with an MBA that was not so absolutely out of touch with reality that they created their own black hole of intelligence where logical thought process was concerned.
I have personally witnessed the absolute destruction of two companies at the hands of people who would claim that they know business. Both Kinko's and Factual Data are significantly worse for the wear after having dealt with the likes of Clayton, Dublier & Rice and Marsh/Kroll, respectively. For whatever reason, the ivory tower syndrome commonly referred to in academia seems to have filtered into the real world, and the idiots that find themselves in positions of leadership over these companies are apparently prone to making decisions based on the theory taught to them back in their glory days, rather than actually bothering to learn the business or making some decisions based on the suggestions of the people who actually know the business already.
And the epidemic of MBA related idiocy is certainly not limited to my own personal experience. How could it be, when companies across the country lament their declining sales figures, yet continue to promote business practices that are contentious to the demands of modern society. Is GM seriously completely surprised by their decline in sales, when they don't have anything on the market that could be even remotely considered economical or affordable? Why would anyone in thier right mind pay $40 grand for a vehicle that gets 15 gallons/mile highway, when something else will do the same job for less money while being more efficient?
For what my opinion is worth (and these thoughts should not be seen as anything more than that), the idiots that have been making these ruinous decisions need to be held accountable to the American people en masse. Every single person in a high-ranking position needs to be forced to go in front of their clients and employees alike, and be offered an opportunity to explain their decisions. And if they are found lacking in some way, they should be subjected to an appropriate punishment, as decided by that congregation of clients and employees.
And if all else fails, they can simply be set on fire, so they can at least provide some degree of usefulness to those who should be considered their constituency.
I have personally witnessed the absolute destruction of two companies at the hands of people who would claim that they know business. Both Kinko's and Factual Data are significantly worse for the wear after having dealt with the likes of Clayton, Dublier & Rice and Marsh/Kroll, respectively. For whatever reason, the ivory tower syndrome commonly referred to in academia seems to have filtered into the real world, and the idiots that find themselves in positions of leadership over these companies are apparently prone to making decisions based on the theory taught to them back in their glory days, rather than actually bothering to learn the business or making some decisions based on the suggestions of the people who actually know the business already.
And the epidemic of MBA related idiocy is certainly not limited to my own personal experience. How could it be, when companies across the country lament their declining sales figures, yet continue to promote business practices that are contentious to the demands of modern society. Is GM seriously completely surprised by their decline in sales, when they don't have anything on the market that could be even remotely considered economical or affordable? Why would anyone in thier right mind pay $40 grand for a vehicle that gets 15 gallons/mile highway, when something else will do the same job for less money while being more efficient?
For what my opinion is worth (and these thoughts should not be seen as anything more than that), the idiots that have been making these ruinous decisions need to be held accountable to the American people en masse. Every single person in a high-ranking position needs to be forced to go in front of their clients and employees alike, and be offered an opportunity to explain their decisions. And if they are found lacking in some way, they should be subjected to an appropriate punishment, as decided by that congregation of clients and employees.
And if all else fails, they can simply be set on fire, so they can at least provide some degree of usefulness to those who should be considered their constituency.
The top two percent
I had dinner tonight with a friend of mine. I will call her Ellen. Ellen holds a Ph.D., and is a professor at a local university. Her problem, at the beginning of the night, was that she was frustrated. It seems that her class of 25 students was unable to step up and perform at the level she expects, which is to say, they're all typically lazy college students willing to do the very least amount of work in order to get the grade they want. Ellen's issue, therefore, is that she wants to validate her existance through the performance of her students.
After some back and forth bantering, I had what I consider to be one of my 5 strokes of brilliance in this life. Perhaps, I explained, it's not about what those students in the classroom learn. Perhaps it is the role of the professor to think those thoughts that the majority of students simply cannot comprehend, due to either inability or sheer laziness. Most students, whether at the high school or college level, will only do what is necessary to get the grade they want. No more, no less.
And isn't this really one of the biggest problems with the American education system? The grade is all important. It's not about what you've learned, or what you understand about your chosen field. The only thing that matters is the almighty grade. To most students, this is the case. Even to the "A" students, this is often the case. It is very rare that a student is truly posessed of that all-encompassing hunger for knowlege and understanding. It's actually quite easy to see in a standard distribution.
The old saying used to be that "not everyone goes to college". That's no longer the case. Everyone has the potential to go to college. The question is whether they capitalize on that opportunity and experience. Statistically speaking, only two percent of them will do so. And what a sad, sad statement that is.
In a standard distribution, 68.2% of the population is within a single standard deviation of the mean, either positively or negatively. However, teachers desparately want students to be better than they are, and so the students are given the benefit of the doubt. This leads to grade inflation, and students who really are not in that top 2% are awarded grades as though they were.
The truth is, 68.2% of any given population should simply be the C students - average, and not performing above or below the expectation. 17 out of every 25 students should be receiving a grade of C - because they deserve it. Along the same vein, 13.6%, or 3.4 students out of 25, should receive a D, with a similar number of students receiving a B. At the end of the day, only 1 student should receive an A...this represents the top 2.11%. This carries over to our hypothetical discussion of performance in general.
In any given semester, only two percent of the class is going to be truly outstanding. The rest are going to put in the effort needed to get their desired grade and move along as if nothing happened. It does not matter how invested the instructor is, or how hard the instructor pushes - the student will learn only what he/she wants to learn. And the truly invested teacher will be driven mad by this fact alone: not everyone in your class actually cares.
Perhaps, I reasoned over a series of Long Island iced teas, it's not a question of how to get all students to grow and expand their thought processes - but perhaps it's a question of how do you as the professor grow and expand your intellect and understanding, and allow your students to witness your brilliance.
So instead of focusing on how to make all students achieve this lofty goal of actually caring about the subject, perhaps the role of the teacher is to truly be an expert in their field, ever growing in their own understanding of the topic - and then allowing that top two percent to study at the feet of the master. Those who want to learn will seek you out, and all others are truly just there for the letter grade.
I have the utmost respect for my friend Ellen. She is witty, fun to be around, and significantly more than "moderately attractive". But aside from all of that she is passionate about her field, and about her chosen role in life. She is a professor, and she is in a field where she can challenge students to think more, to comprehend more, and to in essence, be more. I envy her, with all of those fresh and maleable minds flocking to the feet of the master.
The challenge is in identifying the top two percent, and guiding them to be the next generation...regardless of the field.
After some back and forth bantering, I had what I consider to be one of my 5 strokes of brilliance in this life. Perhaps, I explained, it's not about what those students in the classroom learn. Perhaps it is the role of the professor to think those thoughts that the majority of students simply cannot comprehend, due to either inability or sheer laziness. Most students, whether at the high school or college level, will only do what is necessary to get the grade they want. No more, no less.
And isn't this really one of the biggest problems with the American education system? The grade is all important. It's not about what you've learned, or what you understand about your chosen field. The only thing that matters is the almighty grade. To most students, this is the case. Even to the "A" students, this is often the case. It is very rare that a student is truly posessed of that all-encompassing hunger for knowlege and understanding. It's actually quite easy to see in a standard distribution.
The old saying used to be that "not everyone goes to college". That's no longer the case. Everyone has the potential to go to college. The question is whether they capitalize on that opportunity and experience. Statistically speaking, only two percent of them will do so. And what a sad, sad statement that is.
In a standard distribution, 68.2% of the population is within a single standard deviation of the mean, either positively or negatively. However, teachers desparately want students to be better than they are, and so the students are given the benefit of the doubt. This leads to grade inflation, and students who really are not in that top 2% are awarded grades as though they were.
The truth is, 68.2% of any given population should simply be the C students - average, and not performing above or below the expectation. 17 out of every 25 students should be receiving a grade of C - because they deserve it. Along the same vein, 13.6%, or 3.4 students out of 25, should receive a D, with a similar number of students receiving a B. At the end of the day, only 1 student should receive an A...this represents the top 2.11%. This carries over to our hypothetical discussion of performance in general.
In any given semester, only two percent of the class is going to be truly outstanding. The rest are going to put in the effort needed to get their desired grade and move along as if nothing happened. It does not matter how invested the instructor is, or how hard the instructor pushes - the student will learn only what he/she wants to learn. And the truly invested teacher will be driven mad by this fact alone: not everyone in your class actually cares.
Perhaps, I reasoned over a series of Long Island iced teas, it's not a question of how to get all students to grow and expand their thought processes - but perhaps it's a question of how do you as the professor grow and expand your intellect and understanding, and allow your students to witness your brilliance.
So instead of focusing on how to make all students achieve this lofty goal of actually caring about the subject, perhaps the role of the teacher is to truly be an expert in their field, ever growing in their own understanding of the topic - and then allowing that top two percent to study at the feet of the master. Those who want to learn will seek you out, and all others are truly just there for the letter grade.
I have the utmost respect for my friend Ellen. She is witty, fun to be around, and significantly more than "moderately attractive". But aside from all of that she is passionate about her field, and about her chosen role in life. She is a professor, and she is in a field where she can challenge students to think more, to comprehend more, and to in essence, be more. I envy her, with all of those fresh and maleable minds flocking to the feet of the master.
The challenge is in identifying the top two percent, and guiding them to be the next generation...regardless of the field.
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